Losing Sight of Your Life Direction

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It is so common for people to lose sight of what they want or need in life. It is also common to not even know what to do with your life. I think this is what makes the journey beautiful and interesting. I have not always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life or let alone contemplated my options. I always followed my passions as much as I was able to do so. I hope for others to be able to find their passions, which can lead them to happiness and growth.

In retrospect, this has been the longest year of my life yet it seemed to have flown by as fast as the sun goes down. It feels like I’m barely starting to “live” fully after all these years. For the first time, I’ve experienced so many vivid and fleeting emotions, ups and downs, which gave me clarity on so many levels of my understanding of the world. In the midst of all this, I was lost countless times. And as I learned to adapt and let comfort sink in, I urged myself to move forward. There never seems to be a good time to stop. Every time I slow down to catch my breath, I find myself already hurrying towards another direction, always seeking for novelty and peace for my wandering spirit and restless mind. Always, my passions are right there with me wherever I decide to go and whomever I meet.

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Music

Music has always been my escape and addiction for as long as I can remember. Music is an amazing composition that most people find meaning and comprehend even if they don’t understand the language. It speaks to me in a way that makes my heart race, slow down and maybe even skip a beat. The lyrics, beats, tone, and bass makes me experience a crescendo of fluctuating moods. Music has also given me many memories and been there for me through so many stages of my life. I am also completely awed by how it unites people everywhere around the world. At times, I am at a loss for words for how it makes me feel so passionate and alive.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” — Victor Hugo

A Wandering Mind Is a Creative Mind

From my experience, my wandering mind has led me to some of my more complex revelations about the world, people, and myself. I’m not sure if this is a common experience for therapists since we’re always actively listening to our clients. I realized recently that I subconsciously learnt to actively listen to my thoughts and found it to be quite intriguing. Anybody ever try to make sense of their thoughts but realize that they actually don’t have to make sense?

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” – Robert Frost

a distant memoir

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As we were walking and talking, it randomly started sprinkling to a slow pour of humid summer rain. It stopped just as quickly it started. I remember rushing to find shelter under what seemed to be the Hong Kong clock tower. It was around 12am and I thought to myself, “great, my evening of exploring is ruined.” The avenue of stars was only a few feet away. I looked at the time and felt frustrated and restricted with the curfew (2am) I had to meet. I haven’t had a curfew in a what seemed like ages ago, and I felt like I had reverted back into an adolescent child. What I really wanted was to meet Hong Kong during the late hours when it’s not bustling as it was during the day. There’s just something about roaming around unfamiliar streets at night that is really calming to me, whereas other people might think of danger.

We weren’t sure what else we could do with so little time. Everything, the ferry and shops were all closed. This has got to be the millionth time I’ve missed out on another opportunity to go view the cityscape from Victoria Peak too. I’ll definitely make it my mission to see it next time. Another glance at the time, I felt a slight sadness that I had to venture back soon. We eventually roamed into a hotel and went from chilling at the bar to the lobby. Funny thing is, I don’t really remember anything we talked about that night. All I wanted was for time to freeze for a bit, so I could remember this feeling – the thrill, mystery, excitement, etc. I had been stuck traveling with my family, which was suffocating at times and this moment felt relieving.

Aside from that, meeting you was one of the highlights of my trip. You had a friendly presence about you that made me feel at ease. I could talk to you about almost everything. This made my time sensitive trip to Hong Kong memorable.

Beautifully Damaged.

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Is the sun setting or is the sun rising? It depends on your perception.

SELF-DISCLOSURE: I think this might be the most personal post I will ever publish about myself on the internet. This is actually a part of me that I have difficulty disclosing because I feel a tremendous amount of shame. However, I am learning to embrace myself as a whole in order to live fully.

My thoughts have been my demons for the longest time. Sometimes I feel helpless and out of control when all my intrusive thoughts come flooding in. In the past, I wasn’t very aware of them or let alone equipped to manage them on my own. I was and still might be immature in how I perceive people, things, events, and life. I have a tendency to ruminate on my flaws and personal problems. Also, I have a tendency to pretend that I am strong in order to “fix” them immediately.

After spending time to reflect, I can reframe my distortions and be at peace. Ultimately, my thoughts are my worldview. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all my thoughts and ideas. However, I am responsible for how I perceive my thoughts. And although I can be immature, I am aware and constantly learning to understand people things, events, and life through a wider lens. Rumination has been a way for me to process and confront my problems. It has constantly been a struggle, but I’ve been trying to slow down and remind myself it’s fine to not have everything all together.

The only thing you sometimes have control over is perspective. You don’t have control over your situation. But you have a choice about how you view it.”

Labyrinth of Life

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I like how I can read back on my thoughts and see my own growth. So so much has changed for me and given me opportunities for new knowledge and perspective. I’m not even sure how to gather the precise words to describe what I’ve seen, heard, and experienced emotionally and mentally. I want to remember my experiences forever.

In the midst of finding balance in life, I realized I no longer believe self-improvement is the best thing for me because I would constantly be critical of myself and my flaws. However, I did find that experiencing every bit of life fully allowed me to find my path back to who I am. I am now present and more in tune with my needs and wants. I’ve missed having deep conversations with many individuals that have been a part of my life at one point, so I’ve recently made it a point to connect with those who cross my mind. I enjoy connecting with people and helping them understand themselves, which actually helps me understand myself better as well. It is simply amazing how I can make certain choices that can have such an immense impact and domino effect on my life.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

Be Kind to Yourself

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WARNING: This is going to be a post where I regurgitate all the recent flow of ideas in my head regarding my perception of life 🙂 Sit back and enjoy.

Don’t wait for good things to happen. There can be other good things right in front of your eyes. Live in the present and take a moment to appreciate, understand, contemplate, and enjoy all that is occurring around you. Take a small sip of that drink and really savor the sweetness, sourness, or bitterness of the taste. Look into the sky and appreciate the clouds, the wind blowing into your face, and the hue of the summer. Do everything with a little more mindfulness. You’ll realize how much more in depth with life you can achieve. Life is not linear. We will walk through many varying paths as we live through each age of our life. There will be easy, challenging, unknown, and possibly invisible paths. Sometimes we need to get lost a few times before we find our reality. Take your time to figure out what path or decision feels doable to you. People can be kind. You can always learn new knowledge from anyone you meet. The few good connections you have with people may take you further than you thought. Taking a step out of your comfort zone can take you a far ways. Reach for the stars if you can! When you tell yourself “but I can’t…”, then you are your greatest obstacle. Figure out how you can take that first small step. It may not take you where you want initially. You can gain something else from the experience that you didn’t expect.