Reflection

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The common conception is that motivation leads to action, but the reverse is true — action precedes motivation.” – Robert J. McKain

As the year is coming to an end, I find myself reflecting back on all my experiences. Like stop motion pictures before my eyes. Though I did not travel as much as I wanted this year, I embarked on life’s adventure by immersing myself in nature and meaningful experiences from random nature hikes to camping in the blazing hot spring and summer to jamming out to some of my favorite music artists at various music venues that coincidentally occurred during extreme weather conditions (i.e., heatwaves, thunderstorms, hurricane warnings) that allowed me to discover myself in the beautiful elements of mother Earth, in rain, heat, wind, and mud, to conversing with people from different backgrounds. I even put myself in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations and tried many new things. Some experiences were quite memorable and some were quite difficult to endure, which took quite a toll on my mental health and overall health. I went with my gut for a majority of my decisions and for other decisions I faltered through battles I had within myself. I’ve made some mistakes, experienced failure, and learned some valuable lessons out of them. I’ve played my role in giving wholeheartedly to as many people as I care about. I set some goals for myself in the beginning of the year and surely I think I’ve exceeded my own expectations in terms of expanding my mind, being physically active, spending time in nature, and becoming more mindful and present with myself. All in all, I’ve learned more than I could ever imagine. I appreciate all those who have supported and continue to support me along this journey called life. 2017, I think you were good to me even though you challenged me and pushed me to the edge.

I’d like to keep these in mind:

  • focus on what is important to myself rather than others
  • redefine my independence
  • practice self-compassion

Authentically and sincerely,

Deanna

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vulnerability.

We keep our guards up around certain people. We are afraid, worried, trapped, angry, etc. We don’t think we can really share with anyone else these feelings because they make us vulnerable, or as if someone has decrypted the language to your soul. We filter ourselves — via texting, conversations, social media platforms, and basically anywhere public. However, there are others with whom we can let our guard down. We feel comfort, courage, bravery, and determination to speak our minds because there really is no right or wrong way to be vulnerable. If people could be more vulnerable, we would be able to own up to being what it means to truly be human. We would also be able to learn how to build more empathy for each other. And with empathy, we can learn to understand and listen. And with understanding, we can learn and grow and mostly importantly unravel and discuss the problems of the universe. Not as a single entity that a human exists as, but as systemic wholeness, the force of the inhabitants of the world.

There probably was no correlation regarding vulnerability and solving the problems of the universe, but this is just a lingering thought that we can use more vulnerability and empathy.

perspective.

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So many people feel pressured to meet the expectations of what others have of them or what society has construed as conventional. They also have a tendency to overthink what others say and perceive of them. This is how people lose their individuality, authenticity, sense of self, and overall well-being and happiness.

Sure, other people have good foresight that can be important to take into account. And a person is entitled to their own opinions which are valid as well. However, these opinions should not define who you are. We have the most powerful tool necessary, our minds with expansive mental capacity, to help us see ourselves in this world through as many perspectives as we want. We can choose the perspective we want to see ourselves in, which can drive us towards what we want for ourselves that no else can give us. Ultimately, “who matters the most, you or other people?” Only you can answer this question. Just be YOU, use your creative mind to do you, and continue to explore and define yourself for you.

 

Contemplation

–“what made you think this way?

I find it amusing intriguing how one question can bring up so many thoughts that leads me to reminisce on memories that seemed so recent yet quite a years ago. I can’t help but look back and realize the stupidity and naivety of all that is me. I believe the world lately has been setting me up to make connections that link me back to my past experiences. Why is the world and people so freaking connected?! Almost as if everything were connected on a subconscious level. The world is so so small. It drives me crazy. I just want to live it all and cherish all the good while it lasts. Experience all the people. Explore all the world. Enjoy all there is that still holds peace and beauty. I want to preserve the beauty of life in my mind. I want to walk forward on my own. I want to fall on my own. I want to endure the pain. I want to watch the wound heal. I want to feel the warmth of the sunlight touch my skin. I want to feel the splash of the ocean on my feet. I want hear the sound of the rain pattering on the rooftop or window. I want to remember the softness and warmth of the blankets wrapped around me. I want to feel safe wherever I am. I remember I am a human that has all these endless string of thoughts that can’t seem to get organized yet flow through my brain like electricity.

Experiences

Experiences are what make a person unique, not like any other. Everybody has different experiences in life. No one person will experience the same experience in the exact same way. Of all the good and bad experiences and pathways in life, this is what helps a person learn more about themself and develop their ultimate self. This lies in the decision to traverse towards the unknown. Imagine if you made a career decision over another, enrolled in a university on the other side of the world versus the one close to home, and the people whom you chose to let in your life, the people you chose to let go, the restaurant you decided to go to, the book you picked up, the person you exchanged contact information with, the small gesture you made, the conversation you had, and all the other variables that one may encounter in life. Would your life still be the same? Would you be the same person?

Even the slightest change in a decision or direction has the power of a magnificent impact on who you are, where you go, and what becomes of you. The world is so infinite with all possibilities ~

The past, like the future, is indefinite and exists only as a spectrum of possibilities.” –Stephen Hawking

Losing Sight of Your Life Direction

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It is so common for people to lose sight of what they want or need in life. It is also common to not even know what to do with your life. I think this is what makes the journey beautiful and interesting. I have not always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life or let alone contemplated my options. I always followed my passions as much as I was able to do so. I hope for others to be able to find their passions, which can lead them to happiness and growth.

In retrospect, this has been the longest year of my life yet it seemed to have flown by as fast as the sun goes down. It feels like I’m barely starting to “live” fully after all these years. For the first time, I’ve experienced so many vivid and fleeting emotions, ups and downs, which gave me clarity on so many levels of my understanding of the world. In the midst of all this, I was lost countless times. And as I learned to adapt and let comfort sink in, I urged myself to move forward. There never seems to be a good time to stop. Every time I slow down to catch my breath, I find myself already hurrying towards another direction, always seeking for novelty and peace for my wandering spirit and restless mind. Always, my passions are right there with me wherever I decide to go and whomever I meet.

Music

Music has always been my escape and addiction for as long as I can remember. Music is an amazing composition that most people find meaning and comprehend even if they don’t understand the language. It speaks to me in a way that makes my heart race, slow down and maybe even skip a beat. The lyrics, beats, tone, and bass makes me experience a crescendo of fluctuating moods. Music has also given me many memories and been there for me through so many stages of my life. I am also completely awed by how it unites people everywhere around the world. At times, I am at a loss for words for how it makes me feel so passionate and alive.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” — Victor Hugo