When Reality Really Hits

I’ve been meaning to capture this thought for a while now but I kept losing the words and I wasn’t really sure how to express myself. I still don’t think I know how to really share this. Lately, it feels like reality really hit me. I’m getting older. It’s starting to become really unclear to me on how and who I will spend the remaining of my adult years with. I can’t even begin to pinpoint how to reach the independence that I try to picture for myself. Also, maybe I have too many different types of friends/acquaintances or maybe I am more of a nomad after all. This nomadic feeling, I am all too familiar since being an only child and all. I’ve come to terms that I am different from other people and I don’t mind being the outcast. I like to think that I’m adaptive to whatever setting I’m in, but I’m not. It’s debilitating to know that I have so many weakness yet I try to overcome them and end up pretending I am all together. What I’m trying to say is, the future really seems like a daunting idea at the moment. And I’m sure I am not the only soul in the world who feels this way. We all have our moments of weaknesses and also moments of sobering pangs of reality. Especially when we wake up from our dreams and start to appreciate the beautiful life. Or rather find more peace and beauty in our dreams.

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No Different than Similar

No matter how different people are, I’ve found that we are pretty much alike and similar. And what sets us apart is one’s historical background, upbringing, and adversities of life. Even considering these factors, they are all similarities in that we share differences that make us who we are today. All the milestones we experience brings us to a similar endpoint. Death. Mostly of us are living to survive, to find some meaning in life, to strive for growth, and to seek fulfillment. And we all seek to connect among each other even if we don’t want to. However, humans being so differently similar, we have a tendency to ostracize outsiders, others, and even our own kind. We may treat someone else unequally with our hatred, jealousy, and discrimination. How can we grow if we don’t learn from the very same people, and the generations before them, that have contributed to all that we have in our lives today? What would the world be like if everyone showed empathy and cared for everyone? Would we understand more differences or more similarities amongst each other?

The World Keeps Spinning

It has been a great while since I’ve written anything or left any digital footprints of my thoughts anywhere. And now I am back and feeling refreshed, along with some new personal insights. In the past few months, I’ve realized my life is more enjoyable when simplified. I set myself with the strenuous task of simplifying all home, work, and social aspects. Since then I’ve found myself spending my time in areas that are more important to me. Previously, I thought this was impossible but I was able to change my mindset by knowing that there are moments of time I can’t get back if spent stressing, over worrying, and feeling defeated. Changing my mindset gave me motivation to try new things, face my fears, and start and complete projects I’ve been putting off. Although I am still working on the piece of allocating myself within time in itself and the truly important, I know the world keeps spinning and I can walk this earth at my own natural pace. Yes, I wish there were parts of me to divide so I can achieve some if not all my dreams. For now, I am still learning to understand my imperfections, see the world in its rawest form, and appreciate my presence in it and all the positivity that surrounds me rather than focus on what cannot change.

Reflection

“The common conception is that motivation leads to action, but the reverse is true — action precedes motivation.” – Robert J. McKain

As the year is coming to an end, I find myself reflecting back on all my experiences. Like stop motion pictures before my eyes. Though I did not travel as much as I wanted this year, I embarked on life’s adventure by immersing myself in nature and meaningful experiences from random nature hikes to camping in the blazing hot spring and summer to jamming out to some of my favorite music artists at various music venues that coincidentally occurred during extreme weather conditions (i.e., heatwaves, thunderstorms, hurricane warnings) that allowed me to discover myself in the beautiful elements of mother Earth, in rain, heat, wind, and mud, to conversing with people from different backgrounds. I even put myself in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations and tried many new things. Some experiences were quite memorable and some were quite difficult to endure, which took quite a toll on my mental health and overall health. I went with my gut for a majority of my decisions and for other decisions I faltered through battles I had within myself. I’ve made some mistakes, experienced failure, and learned some valuable lessons out of them. I’ve played my role in giving wholeheartedly to as many people as I care about. I set some goals for myself in the beginning of the year and surely I think I’ve exceeded my own expectations in terms of expanding my mind, being physically active, spending time in nature, and becoming more mindful and present with myself. All in all, I’ve learned more than I could ever imagine. I appreciate all those who have supported and continue to support me along this journey called life. 2017, I think you were good to me even though you challenged me and pushed me to the edge.

I’d like to keep these in mind:

• focus on what is important to myself rather than others
• redefine my independence
• practice self-compassion

Authentically and sincerely,

Deanna

vulnerability.

We keep our guards up around certain people. We are afraid, worried, trapped, angry, etc. We don’t think we can really share with anyone else these feelings because they make us vulnerable, or as if someone has decrypted the language to your soul. We filter ourselves — via texting, conversations, social media platforms, and basically anywhere public. However, there are others with whom we can let our guard down. We feel comfort, courage, bravery, and determination to speak our minds because there really is no right or wrong way to be vulnerable. If people could be more vulnerable, we would be able to own up to being what it means to truly be human. We would also be able to learn how to build more empathy for each other. And with empathy, we can learn to understand and listen. And with understanding, we can learn and grow and mostly importantly unravel and discuss the problems of the universe. Not as a single entity that a human exists as, but as systemic wholeness, the force of the inhabitants of the world.

There probably was no correlation regarding vulnerability and solving the problems of the universe, but this is just a lingering thought that we can use more vulnerability and empathy.

perspective.

So many people feel pressured to meet the expectations of what others have of them or what society has construed as conventional. They also have a tendency to overthink what others say and perceive of them. This is how people lose their individuality, authenticity, sense of self, and overall well-being and happiness.

Sure, other people have good foresight that can be important to take into account. And a person is entitled to their own opinions which are valid as well. However, these opinions should not define who you are. We have the most powerful tool necessary, our minds with expansive mental capacity, to help us see ourselves in this world through as many perspectives as we want. We can choose the perspective we want to see ourselves in, which can drive us towards what we want for ourselves that no else can give us. Ultimately, “who matters the most, you or other people?” Only you can answer this question. Just be YOU, use your creative mind to do you, and continue to explore and define yourself for you.

 

Contemplation

–“what made you think this way?”

I find it amusing intriguing how one question can bring up so many thoughts that leads me to reminisce on memories that seemed so recent yet quite a years ago. I can’t help but look back and realize the stupidity and naivety of all that is me. I believe the world lately has been setting me up to make connections that link me back to my past experiences. Why is the world and people so freaking connected?! Almost as if everything were connected on a subconscious level. The world is so so small. It drives me crazy. I just want to live it all and cherish all the good while it lasts. Experience all the people. Explore all the world. Enjoy all there is that still holds peace and beauty. I want to preserve the beauty of life in my mind. I want to walk forward on my own. I want to fall on my own. I want to endure the pain. I want to watch the wound heal. I want to feel the warmth of the sunlight touch my skin. I want to feel the splash of the ocean on my feet. I want hear the sound of the rain pattering on the rooftop or window. I want to remember the softness and warmth of the blankets wrapped around me. I want to feel safe wherever I am. I remember I am a human that has all these endless string of thoughts that can’t seem to get organized yet flow through my brain like electricity.